30 at 30
Occasional life lessons post
I turned 30 last month, and there’s a lot of pivotal moment feeling associated with that event. So I decided to write down what I’d have told my younger self on lessons learned in these years, in no particular order.
Have a vision Of what you want your life to be. The outcome may not be in our control but the path reasonably is.
Life is a single player game. Everyone is too busy with their own stuff to control your game.
No one has it figured out
When you’re young, you think that the old have figured everything out. I realize that’s so far from the truth. But you know yourself much better, so that helps you reduce uncertainty in your responses to the world.
Learn to thrive in entropy
One of the paradoxes of life is that it’s uncertain while we crave certainty. And it’s much better to learn tolerating uncertainty than creating a fake sense of certainty.
Be decisive
The comfort with uncertainty shouldn’t come at the expense of decision -making speed and prowess. Doubt kills everything.
Maximise on close relationships
There are next level unlocks in happiness when you actually get to spend more time with your loved ones. Having friends in walking distance is another manifestation of the same thing. I have been fortunate enough to have this a major part of this year and it has changed my life for the better.
![100+] Calvin And Hobbes Wallpapers | Wallpapers.com](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7a966fe9-08d6-4441-a30d-887a45869ab3_1920x1200.jpeg "100+] Calvin And Hobbes Wallpapers | Wallpapers.com")
Always trust your gut about people and find your own tribe
There is no real stacking of people. And like product market fit in startups, there’s a people - person fit in life. Seek those people and avoid parasitic people.
Freedom is an illusion, you only choose what you want to be bounded by
All that chase to be free is futile if you don’t know what you want to hold on to. That can change from time to time, but it’s still important to tone down expectation that you’ll ever be completely free. Instead choose what you love and let it change you.
Simplify, don’t optimise
Too many choices, too many parameters for decision making, too many desires. Cut through the clutter and look for only the most important wants. This is related to the midwit meme
Don’t seek, find
I’ve found that noticing things that you already have with fresh eyes contributes much more to your happiness rather than achieving things that you didn’t have before. Your life is likely richer in a lot of ways already, just keep your eyes and mind open.
My favorite daily example of this is the park nearby that I go frequently to. Everytime I go there, I’m grateful and happy. Similar for a lot of other things in life.
Swing for the fences
A lot of fulfillment comes from giving whatever you do your all. A lot of doors also surprisingly open up when you are in this mindset.
Question everything
There are so many notions generated by the society just to make people avoid thinking. Don’t be sheep, question everything that doesn’t make sense to you.
The greatest things don’t have explanations
There are so many great things like value, quality, love, devotion etc which do not have a better articulation than I just know it’s there. Do not labels of the world deter your faith (or action) in any of these.
Master the paradoxes
Efficiency and creativity, thinking long term but surviving short term, joy from big vs small things. Everything in life is a paradox, master the state of accepting both sides as true at the same time.
Ask great questions
The root of all interestingness lies in great questions. You will never understand reality or a person without great questions.
Avoid passivity
Put as much energy in the world as you can. And then some more. If there’s one thing that I think is the great predictor of both long term success and happiness, it’s proactiveness. Don’t let life bum you, grab it by its horns and ride it.
Act based on what you want, not what you would want to want
The latter will always cause you pain, the former keeps you grounded and optimistic. Understanding the difference requires a lot of honesty about self.
Do, Do, Do
And not think, think, think.
Or talk, talk, talk.
The problem of our times is that people believe just thinking will solve problems. That’s just laziness.
There is no better way to understand yourself, than acting and then observing. But first, acting.
End in itself vs means to an end
Life becomes much more fun when you start doing things for their own sake rather than some illusory item they can give in the future (e.g. money, fame, happiness).
World is non-linear, step theory doesn’t work.
The deepest human desire is to belong.
To a tribe, to a person, to a kind of work, to a life. A lot of chase that we do in our lives is to just find a feeling of home in all domains of life.
Self-awareness and contribution to others
I like how ‘The Courage to be disliked’ summarizes the figuring out life to these two actions - Know yourself and keep contributing to others without expectation. It’s slightly simplistic but definitely works.
Fitness is a strategy
Time devoted to exercise has such high second order effects on mind and your overall state of being, that anyone who is not investing it is setting themselves up for poor life quality (in addition to poor health).
Control your mind
The most dangerous reality-bending games are played by your mind itself. It’s a perpetual tussle to make sure you’re thinking clearly.
On that note, smart people are especially prone to rationalization not rooted in reality. Recognize that early and nip it in the bud.
Stay in touch with reality
The reality of a startup is different from the idea of a startup. Similarly for a lot of other things. Make sure you develop a radar to knowing and (at least temporarily) accepting reality really well first. ‘This is where we are’ precedes ‘Here’s where we should be’.
Avoid compression loss
A lot of things we do in life, including sharing our stories with people, has a lot of compression loss (meaning a lot of information is striped away). Make sure that doesn’t happen with the most important things. One of the implications of this is going and experiencing things yourself rather than just relying on someone else’s.
Your ideal life, work, relationship doesn’t just get bestowed upon you. You have to will it into existence. In this process, you also discover the second-order effect of creation - abundance.
Personally, just the feeling of creating something that didn’t exist in the world before is such a beautiful feeling. That’s one of the major reasons I write.
Trust compounding
Everything compounds in the direction you are in, the more you do it. So make sure you’re in the right direction (this is hard) and then trust time and effort to do the rest.
When in doubt, do what would make an interesting story to tell grandchildren
Life is short
Relentlessly cut bullshit. Value your and others’ time. Life is not a rehearsal, this is it. Make the most of what you want. Go, kiss the world.